Having a friend always makes everything seem better. Some individual thinks that not having one is fine but I have also felt that I do not necessarily need a friend in life. And then yes, it comes with all these stories about a bunch of backstabbing, hypocritical and sometimes heart wrenching stories from people. And after you collect a bunch of first-hand life experiences yourself on how ugly some friendships might be, you never really trust people around you anymore. But when you're alone and troubled by problems that you could never really voice out to your family members, it's really nice to have someone there for you. It's alright if they're not giving advices, it just makes you feel better when they are listening to you. And whether are they patronizing you on that part, it really shows. I never really fit in well with the girls, and not really with the boys either. I like to take walks or jogs alone, enjoy some quiet time cooping up reading books on my bed and my friends comes and leaves in groups. One bunch leaves, another bunch appears.
I never really thought that a girl and a guy could become the best of friends. It all just seems too dark to me. Won't you think that the guy might take advantage of you because you trust him so much when you're drunk, or maybe... he's being so nice to you because he actually likes you? Vice versa, your female best friend might just be staying by your side because she likes you and doesn't know how to voice it out. Until, I met Ivan! He's honest, straightforward, a little sarcastic and just appears to be someone you never really notice la. Average guy lor. (HAHA) However, at my least expected moments, he's always the one there for me. Throughout my relationship with Sean, after that and up till now. I was just brooding one day at home caught up in my own train of thoughts and desperately needed someone to just be there for me. Then I realized all these while when I need someone, I end up dialing Ivan's number. Slowly we just became like the best of friends. Even though our personality and characters are completely unlike one another, even though we're like two totally entire being. Be it fate, coincidence, destiny...whatever you want to call it. It slowly just became him, my family and myself.
So all my girlfriends started asking me if I like him, and I thought really long to find the perfect answer.
Here, read carefully, this is my answer. "EEW, Period."
I think he looks good and I definitely trust him with my life. But eew. I just imagine him coming closer with pursed lips and his almost-half-shut-classic-asian-eyes to kiss me, not going to lie. It's very...disgusting leh. And here's the deal, Ivan don't find me attractive in ANY SINGLE WAY. I'm serious. I compliment him for his good body(in the past) yada yada, he never complimented me before. I jokingly disturbs him all the time like, Eh Ivan I pretty right? His reply, you're ugly, dont be disgusting. And that's pretty much it. There really isn't much having a guy as your best friend. Somehow don't you think every guy and girl are made to be best friend? When we girls are in distress, we need someone reliable, someone that has the ability to soothe us out and make us feel everything is alright. Someone that can protect us like a brother, someone that is.. The exact opposite of yourself. And vice versa for the guys. When they are in distress, it's hard to find a guy friend that really sits and listens. (Ok maybe there are, but I guarantee they never give better advices than us girls) And we're able to comfort them in a motherly way, which is really...what they need at times. And us being naggy can actually stop them from doing stupid and rashful things. It's like a balance.
But Ivan is not all that great la, I have no idea why I just made having a guy best friend sound so magical. I mean it is la, but not with Ivan. Nothing about him is magic. YET. Even though they annoys you at times, you can't really do without him. If you're troubled because of a guy, no one really knows a guy better than GUYS. I look back at all the things I've did, the places I've been, the stuffs I've gone through in the past. And without Ivan, I'd definitely be ONE HOT MESS. I'm just getting tired of people always thinking that someone having the opposite sex as a best friend has motives & all. True, some of them might. But some of them are not. We girls should all get a guy best friend. How many times have your girlfriends advise you against something and because they're all like "no please don't." "i'm here for you.." and just like that last thing they said, it doesn't help and even when they ask you not to do it, you still do?...& end up regretting. Then you tell them about it and they're like, "I'll forgive you but no more next time."
Trust me, having a guy go "Just do it. Don't come crying to me when what happen at the end was what I said hor" or like "Wtf? So all you do is cry and love comes back? Stop crying la, your face looks damn ugly la" And when you really need someone, it's not a "im here for you" via text sms. It's a literal meet up that lets you KNOW that he IS here and he WILL ALWAYS BE.
Ivan was feeling sad today & I was really deprived of sleep (going 48 hours) but I still opened up and let him in. We pretty much did nothing, he used my laptop and i laid on the bed. We played some songs we like, and like always I introduce him the chinese songs I've been listening to. And when he left, I know that he feels better. Because of me. *what a great friend* And like ALWAYS. He said, "bye, love you." How sweet is that?
You know it's like evolution. We started by, Bye takecare. Then, Bye, reach home text u or sth. Slowly becoming, mmm ya ya ya bye. Then!! Ivan: Bye fat. Me: Bye ugly. And then, when we start talking a wee bit too much. "Hanar ya la bye bye bye"
And now we've grown to " bye love you." Even though he knocked over my dustbin today, he vacuumed it up. Forgiven. HAHA. I just want to tell you hwee zhi cheng ah, just look back at all the things we've been through with one another. This is no doubt, something that, time, and our friendship can overcome too. Soon enough... cause when I thought I could no longer find hope and courage to continue being myself, I did. And you played a big part to it. Like how you're always there for me, I'm always here for you too. You're the best friend anyone could possibly ask for.
But you're still ugly. so showing my face is enough.
